One Week to Go

Its now a week before I fly out of Detroit to Bangkok for my surgery. My Modern Art History exam behind me, and a summer free from classes lays ahead. As of my exam ending I have decided to try and teach myself at the very least some basic Thai, as it is polite to make even an attempt at learning the language of the country I’m going to. I have little doubt this will not be easy, but I do feel I need to try. I purchased a set of audio CD’s (uploaded the files in MP3 format so I can load them on to a player for the flight downloaded a Thai to English dictionary, and I’m going to stop off at the library and pick up a book. I have also set out to teach myself to type (the real way). The way I see it is these sorts of things may add to my employability, and just help improve me as a person.

I have taken to listening to the MP3’s of Thai language as I go on my walks and it is really quite fun to watch people as they walk past me as I am speaking parts. I may not be an expert by any stretch, but ehhh its fun.

I have been trying to sort out what I need to bring with me for the trip. I know it will be hot, so I am only packing light weight clothes. I want to bring my cameras as well.

More then anything I am concerned about this week and going off HRT for the next two weeks. I remember a few years ago when I ran out of spirolactone, and the testosterone began to build back up in my system. I only hope there has been sufficient “damage to my body’s ability to produce testosterone keeping this from being a problem. I really don’t want to feel that sort of aggression again.

Tomorrow I’ll be going to my trans support group (one that I have been part of since I came out) for the last time before I leave. They have been a really good source of support and a safe place. I am very fortunate to have had the chance to be a part of that group.

I have also had the pleasure of being part of a wonderful community on Second Life known as the Transgender Resource Center. I have met a number of very kind and caring people through there. Most of whom I am very happy to call my friends, both in Second Life and in my Real Life. Thank you one and all.

I am also very lucky to have the loving and unwavering support of my girlfriend, partner, and bride to be. She has offered and made plans to come with me to Bangkok for the 3 weeks I will be there. I am looking forward even more to this trip because she will be there at my side, just as she has always been by me for the last 25 months.

The closer I get to my surgery I am struck by a very odd thought, and I feel I need to put it out there. I was at work alone in the cash office, when I began to think, “I was born intersexed, so in reality I am both male and female; if I had been raised as a female, would I have felt I should have been male? Was I meant to be transsexual no matter what configuration?”

I do not expect anyone will ever be able to answer that one, but I have these thoughts pop into my head especially when I am alone with numbers. I really love numbers as they help me realize thoughts outside of them, as well as aspects of myself.

Well I’m off to get some sleep as I have work the next two days, and tomorrow I need to drive to Ann Arbor for my support group.

Cheers to you all

~ by twisteddiva on 28 April, 2008.